Dear Diary,
My sister said I'm lucky! I know I'm quite happy and satisfied with all I've got, but I never really think in a different way. I have 2 babies, and I'm fell lucky for having them. I have a very-to-me husband, and I feel lucy for that. I have wonderful parents, brothers, sisters and relatives, and feel lucky fot that too!
But I never realised that the luckiest thing is being needed by them!
The feeling of being needed by someone is very awesome! It makes me confident, that was one thing I never had since I finished high school. I always think that I'm not a good kid to my parents ( I gave them more than enough problems and made them very very very happy when I'm married and leaving home so that I could not give more troubles). I didn't finish my study, and that make me be a very unconfident person. I have no career in a big company as I've always dreamt of because my last sertificate is only from high school.
I'm a mother now, but my mom always make me think that I'm not a good mother. My daughter is very skinny, and that make me feel like it was my fault. I didn't want to have a babysitter as I want to be the only caregiver for my babies, but people always made me think it was a big sin-to not having a babysitter.
I have a babysitter now. Yes, I lost! I do what people asked me to do, and think what people asked me to think.
All that things made me never feel happy and satisfied, I complained all the times. I was blaming people for controlling me. In fact, maybe I'm the one who let them control me.
I saw my kids smiling when I'm with them, playing with them, be around them.
I love them. But, I never realised that they love me too!!!
How stupid I am! I was busy enough complaining things and I didn't noticed it!
I think I have to change now.
I don't care if people said I'm no good for my kids. My babies love me, so they must be think I'm good for them!
I still an-only-high school-graduated, I still can go to big companies and wearing suits. But I can do something else!
I can draw, I can write. And that's what I do now. And I'm happy for that.
working at home, always be near my kids...what more would I asked?
