Dear Diary,
My sister said I'm lucky! I know I'm quite happy and satisfied with all I've got, but I never really think in a different way. I have 2 babies, and I'm fell lucky for having them. I have a very-to-me husband, and I feel lucy for that. I have wonderful parents, brothers, sisters and relatives, and feel lucky fot that too!
But I never realised that the luckiest thing is being needed by them!
The feeling of being needed by someone is very awesome! It makes me confident, that was one thing I never had since I finished high school. I always think that I'm not a good kid to my parents ( I gave them more than enough problems and made them very very very happy when I'm married and leaving home so that I could not give more troubles). I didn't finish my study, and that make me be a very unconfident person. I have no career in a big company as I've always dreamt of because my last sertificate is only from high school.
I'm a mother now, but my mom always make me think that I'm not a good mother. My daughter is very skinny, and that make me feel like it was my fault. I didn't want to have a babysitter as I want to be the only caregiver for my babies, but people always made me think it was a big sin-to not having a babysitter.
I have a babysitter now. Yes, I lost! I do what people asked me to do, and think what people asked me to think.
All that things made me never feel happy and satisfied, I complained all the times. I was blaming people for controlling me. In fact, maybe I'm the one who let them control me.
I saw my kids smiling when I'm with them, playing with them, be around them.
I love them. But, I never realised that they love me too!!!
How stupid I am! I was busy enough complaining things and I didn't noticed it!
I think I have to change now.
I don't care if people said I'm no good for my kids. My babies love me, so they must be think I'm good for them!
I still an-only-high school-graduated, I still can go to big companies and wearing suits. But I can do something else!
I can draw, I can write. And that's what I do now. And I'm happy for that.
working at home, always be near my kids...what more would I asked?
Thursday, 26 March 2009
Saturday, 14 February 2009
on Valentine's day...
Dear diary,
This year is the worst valentine. I know that married couple mostly are less romantic than dating couples.
But this year is really bad.
I bought three bars of dark chocolate last week when I was in Ygy.
I ate two of them, and I kept the remaining one in my fridge.
Today is Valentine's day.. my husband woke up this morning, he took that chocolate out from the fridge... and gave it to me!
OMG!!!
This year is the worst valentine. I know that married couple mostly are less romantic than dating couples.
But this year is really bad.
I bought three bars of dark chocolate last week when I was in Ygy.
I ate two of them, and I kept the remaining one in my fridge.
Today is Valentine's day.. my husband woke up this morning, he took that chocolate out from the fridge... and gave it to me!
OMG!!!
Wednesday, 28 January 2009
Me
Dear Diary,
I had this special dream since I was a child; making money from my hobby. I also had a special interest in entertainment business. Long time ago I always thought that what I could do is what I had to do, not what I want to do. What I want to do is just a dream, is just a hobby, not something in real world. What I had to do, this is then just be my life, my job, my responsibility.
Few months ago, my husband said something make me realize that a dream is not just a dream...we can bring it to real world, we can make it really happen, make it be real.
My husband is just so different. He always said "Why not?"
And then I meet this four ladies last month, my four imaginary friends. I put my character into them. Each of them represent one of my personality. . one stage of my life stages.
First character represents my stupidity, clumsy-but-nice and always happy little girl in me. That's was the first me, me when in high school and collage..when I still had lots of friends. Me, when I still had believe in friends and trust my secrets on them.
Me.... Before I met problems in life and think that life is easy, simple.
The second represents 'an always panic and afraid, pesimistic girl' in me. That was me in 'dark moments'... Always panic, afraid of people, stressfull, and always do what people asked me to do even if I didn't want to...
And then, as a balance and impact of that character, was born a free, independent and 'hard to control' character. This character was me when I was abroad, when I coulndn't bear of all the rules tied me...when I don't care all the traditions, when I break the rule.
In my real life, when the second and the third character come, I was all alone... and stay like that until the fourth character appeared.
The fourth character then now was born after I married. A love-everything-clean person, a mother role character.
I put myself in them, and they're in me.
That four personality is me. Even until now, the three of them are taking turn appearing in me.
Only the first character not exist already.
So I make this project to make her re-exist.
I really enjoy this project. I'm free to do anything in their little world. Anything that I can't do here in reality. Anything I've missed.
And they're all my friends.
They're all married, because I'm married too.
The always-afraid girl has 1 child. As I now even after having kids, still afraid of the people around me. Still do what they want even if I don't want to. Always let some people controlling my life.
The fourth character have 2 children. She's closer to my reality now, so I "give" her 2 kids as I do too.
And of course the other 2 still have no child.
Thanks to my sister who always help me editing the text and correcting my grammar.
And also for her support, especially when I remembered my past and falling down.
I draw lots of faces, lots of mimics... And I found out that my life was a really colorful life.
Special thanks to Aya and friends...
For readers, I need your support to finish my project. I still not good in doing this, and it's still nothing... But I still learning too. And I had lots to do to finish it.
I haven't launch it yet, not after I finish the first story.
But for friends who want to support me, you can support me in:
www.aya-chan-comic.webs.com
I had this special dream since I was a child; making money from my hobby. I also had a special interest in entertainment business. Long time ago I always thought that what I could do is what I had to do, not what I want to do. What I want to do is just a dream, is just a hobby, not something in real world. What I had to do, this is then just be my life, my job, my responsibility.
Few months ago, my husband said something make me realize that a dream is not just a dream...we can bring it to real world, we can make it really happen, make it be real.
My husband is just so different. He always said "Why not?"
And then I meet this four ladies last month, my four imaginary friends. I put my character into them. Each of them represent one of my personality. . one stage of my life stages.
First character represents my stupidity, clumsy-but-nice and always happy little girl in me. That's was the first me, me when in high school and collage..when I still had lots of friends. Me, when I still had believe in friends and trust my secrets on them.
Me.... Before I met problems in life and think that life is easy, simple.
The second represents 'an always panic and afraid, pesimistic girl' in me. That was me in 'dark moments'... Always panic, afraid of people, stressfull, and always do what people asked me to do even if I didn't want to...
And then, as a balance and impact of that character, was born a free, independent and 'hard to control' character. This character was me when I was abroad, when I coulndn't bear of all the rules tied me...when I don't care all the traditions, when I break the rule.
In my real life, when the second and the third character come, I was all alone... and stay like that until the fourth character appeared.
The fourth character then now was born after I married. A love-everything-clean person, a mother role character.
I put myself in them, and they're in me.
That four personality is me. Even until now, the three of them are taking turn appearing in me.
Only the first character not exist already.
So I make this project to make her re-exist.
I really enjoy this project. I'm free to do anything in their little world. Anything that I can't do here in reality. Anything I've missed.
And they're all my friends.
They're all married, because I'm married too.
The always-afraid girl has 1 child. As I now even after having kids, still afraid of the people around me. Still do what they want even if I don't want to. Always let some people controlling my life.
The fourth character have 2 children. She's closer to my reality now, so I "give" her 2 kids as I do too.
And of course the other 2 still have no child.
Thanks to my sister who always help me editing the text and correcting my grammar.
And also for her support, especially when I remembered my past and falling down.
I draw lots of faces, lots of mimics... And I found out that my life was a really colorful life.
Special thanks to Aya and friends...
For readers, I need your support to finish my project. I still not good in doing this, and it's still nothing... But I still learning too. And I had lots to do to finish it.
I haven't launch it yet, not after I finish the first story.
But for friends who want to support me, you can support me in:
www.aya-chan-comic.webs.com
Saturday, 20 December 2008
Cute cutleries
Dear Diary,
Kemaren aku jalan2 liat ada barang lucuuuu...trus aku beli buat Celine. Celine seneng bangettt, aku aja sukaaaa... Ini aku upload fotonya. Itu barangnya cuma segede jempol tangan...dan hebatnya, itu semuanya setip! Pencil erasers! Emg org Jp hebatttt...kreatip abizzz.
Thursday, 18 December 2008
Jalan2
Dear Diary,
Hari ini tadi kita jalan2 di di perumahan..hihi..liat tuh.. aku dorong Owen, Celine juga ikut2an dorong bonekanya..namanya Boby kata Celine. Sampe lama kita puter2..seru dehhh.. Akhir2 ini sore2 kita sering jalan gini. Anak2 juga pada suka..
^.^
Wednesday, 10 December 2008
Online Store
Dear Diary,
Wahhh udah lama banget nga bisa nulis blog.. belakangan ini emang rada sibuk sih..hehe... With my sisters, we made our new online store. Alamatnya www.greetingcarduniverse.com/fingerprints. Kita juga lagi bikin our own 'Fingerprints' web..tapi skg lagi in process.. Nga sabar nungguin jadinya.. tell you later kalo web udah jadi.
Ciao!
Wahhh udah lama banget nga bisa nulis blog.. belakangan ini emang rada sibuk sih..hehe... With my sisters, we made our new online store. Alamatnya www.greetingcarduniverse.com/fingerprints. Kita juga lagi bikin our own 'Fingerprints' web..tapi skg lagi in process.. Nga sabar nungguin jadinya.. tell you later kalo web udah jadi.
Ciao!
Monday, 27 October 2008
@ Tao Restaurant
Dear Diary,
Hari Minggu kemaren kita pergi ke Ygy. Trs kita makan di Tao. Tempatnya enak, kita serasa makan di kasur2...dan yg jelas Owen sama Celine seneng banget bisa nyantai2.. Celine sampe lompat dari kasur ke kasur..Owen jg asyik berguling2 di kasur..hihi.
Friday, 17 October 2008
Monday, 13 October 2008
...as they grow
Dear Diary,Anak2 udah makin gede.. Owen udah tengkurep, Celine udah masuk sekolah kelas 2-3 taon.. taon ini usiaku 29. Nga terasa idup ini cepet banget jalannya. Rasanya masi inget waktu umur 19..waktu mau memasuki umur kepala 2. Waktu itu udah ngerasa umur 20 itu tua banget. Tapi sekarang aku hampir memasuki usia dengan kepala 3. Bener2 rasanya life is so short!
Waktu baby-nya Celine dulu aku sering di rumah aja jagain anak, tapi baby-nya Owen ini aku pas sering pergi. jadi ada rasa bersalah sama Owen. Pinginnya sih berlaku adil buat anak2, apalagi anak juga cuman 2. Tapi namanya keadaan tidak selalu sama. Apalagi baby Owen ini lebih rewel...dia sukanya ditungguin terus, ditinggal bentar aja udah rewel manggil2. Beda banget sama baby Celine dulu yg bangun ato bobok aja nyaris nga ada bedanya...sama2 diem aja.
Wednesday, 8 October 2008
...and my diet begins!
Dear Diary,
Sementara anak2 makin gede, aku juga lagi berdiet.. apalagi karena aku udah nga rencana nambah anak lagi. Sekarang ini aku lagi giat2nya berdiet! Dulu sejak masi anak2, aku selalu kurus...sampe2 waktu SMA aku sering dibilang orang kyk tiang listrik!!! Sebelll. Nga salah sih..tinggiku 170 cm, beratku cuman 45 kg. Waktu masih masa puber, aku juga kepingin punya body ideal. Makanya aku juga pingin banget bisa nambah berat badanku. Tiap kali makan, aku selalu maksain...biarpun udah kenyang aku masih maksa masukin makanan ke dalem mulut. Lebih besar ambisiku buat pake baju2 keren dan terlihat keren dibanding rasa mual yg aku alami akibat makan terlalu banyak. Tapi tetep aja beratku nga nambah2!
Saat lagi trend2nya anak2 ABG pake baju2 model tanktop, aku malah menyembunyikan lenganku rapat2, menjauh sejauh2nya dari celana pendek dan rok mini. Aku juga selalu menghindari acara2 berenang bareng temen2. Temen2ku selalu heran liat napsu makanku yg besar..heran liat aku sanggup makan sebanyak itu.
Akhirnya beratku bisa nambah...menginjak angka 50 kilo, waktu itu aku umur 18 ato 19 th. Ini suatu kebanggaan bagiku..
Keep eating a lot....
...dan akhirnya beratku 55 kilo. Aku merasa badanku paling ideal di berat 55 ini. Waktu itu aku lagi kuliah di luar negeri. Barulah aku mulai enjoy pake baju macem2. Aku merasa diriku udah menyerupai teman2ku. Aku tidak merasa aneh lagi. Tidak ada lagi yg memanggilku papan cucian, tiang listrik, sedotan....
Aku tau seharusnya aku mempertahankan berat segitu, tapi lambungku udah terlanjur melar karena makanku selalu banyak! Akhirnya aku tidak bisa kenyang kalo makannya dikurangi porsinya. Dan itu sangat menyiksaku! tak terasa beratku sampe ke angka 60 kilo. Banyak orang bilang aku agak kegemukan..tapi aku nga merasa gemuk. Mungkin karena aku selalu dibilang terlalu kurus, 'agak gemuk' jadi terasa indah buatku.....
Waktu aku nikah, beratku 54 kilo.. aku jadi kurus lagi gara2 sempet stress..saat gelap yg nga pingin aku inget lagi. (Waktu stress malah cuman 52 kilo). Setelah nikah, aku jadi 58 kg.
Kemudian aku hamil...dan beratku naik 12 kilo waktu hamil Celine, dan kmd berhasil turun jadi 60 kilo lagi setelah melahirkan. Jadilah 60 kilo sbg berat standartku saat itu. Waktu aku hamil Owen, aku naik 10 kilo, dan kemudia berhasil turun lagi menjadi 60 kilo dalam waktu satu bulan. Aku merasa aku udah mencapai standartku lagi...en agak lost control! Akibatnya..beratku naik lagi jadi 63 kilo. Ini yg terberat seumur idupku!!!
....dan tiba2 aku merasa aku gemuk sekali! Akupun ketakutan..aku merasa aku gemuk, jelek,...dan mulai tua!
Aku pun kembali berdiet.
Dalam waktu 1 bulan, aku berhasil menurunkan 3 kilo.
Skg aku 58-59 kilo...dan aku still on diet... Berat banget rasanya. Skg ini, aku makan cuman 1 kali..cuman siang hari; nasi 2 sendok makan plus lauk2. Pagi hari aku cuman minum susu WRP. Malam hari nga makan, kecuali kalo laper banget..aku makan lauk aja, itupun cuman 1 sendok. Targetku 55 kilo.
Wish me luck!
Sementara anak2 makin gede, aku juga lagi berdiet.. apalagi karena aku udah nga rencana nambah anak lagi. Sekarang ini aku lagi giat2nya berdiet! Dulu sejak masi anak2, aku selalu kurus...sampe2 waktu SMA aku sering dibilang orang kyk tiang listrik!!! Sebelll. Nga salah sih..tinggiku 170 cm, beratku cuman 45 kg. Waktu masih masa puber, aku juga kepingin punya body ideal. Makanya aku juga pingin banget bisa nambah berat badanku. Tiap kali makan, aku selalu maksain...biarpun udah kenyang aku masih maksa masukin makanan ke dalem mulut. Lebih besar ambisiku buat pake baju2 keren dan terlihat keren dibanding rasa mual yg aku alami akibat makan terlalu banyak. Tapi tetep aja beratku nga nambah2!
Saat lagi trend2nya anak2 ABG pake baju2 model tanktop, aku malah menyembunyikan lenganku rapat2, menjauh sejauh2nya dari celana pendek dan rok mini. Aku juga selalu menghindari acara2 berenang bareng temen2. Temen2ku selalu heran liat napsu makanku yg besar..heran liat aku sanggup makan sebanyak itu.
Akhirnya beratku bisa nambah...menginjak angka 50 kilo, waktu itu aku umur 18 ato 19 th. Ini suatu kebanggaan bagiku..
Keep eating a lot....
...dan akhirnya beratku 55 kilo. Aku merasa badanku paling ideal di berat 55 ini. Waktu itu aku lagi kuliah di luar negeri. Barulah aku mulai enjoy pake baju macem2. Aku merasa diriku udah menyerupai teman2ku. Aku tidak merasa aneh lagi. Tidak ada lagi yg memanggilku papan cucian, tiang listrik, sedotan....
Aku tau seharusnya aku mempertahankan berat segitu, tapi lambungku udah terlanjur melar karena makanku selalu banyak! Akhirnya aku tidak bisa kenyang kalo makannya dikurangi porsinya. Dan itu sangat menyiksaku! tak terasa beratku sampe ke angka 60 kilo. Banyak orang bilang aku agak kegemukan..tapi aku nga merasa gemuk. Mungkin karena aku selalu dibilang terlalu kurus, 'agak gemuk' jadi terasa indah buatku.....
Waktu aku nikah, beratku 54 kilo.. aku jadi kurus lagi gara2 sempet stress..saat gelap yg nga pingin aku inget lagi. (Waktu stress malah cuman 52 kilo). Setelah nikah, aku jadi 58 kg.
Kemudian aku hamil...dan beratku naik 12 kilo waktu hamil Celine, dan kmd berhasil turun jadi 60 kilo lagi setelah melahirkan. Jadilah 60 kilo sbg berat standartku saat itu. Waktu aku hamil Owen, aku naik 10 kilo, dan kemudia berhasil turun lagi menjadi 60 kilo dalam waktu satu bulan. Aku merasa aku udah mencapai standartku lagi...en agak lost control! Akibatnya..beratku naik lagi jadi 63 kilo. Ini yg terberat seumur idupku!!!
....dan tiba2 aku merasa aku gemuk sekali! Akupun ketakutan..aku merasa aku gemuk, jelek,...dan mulai tua!
Aku pun kembali berdiet.
Dalam waktu 1 bulan, aku berhasil menurunkan 3 kilo.
Skg aku 58-59 kilo...dan aku still on diet... Berat banget rasanya. Skg ini, aku makan cuman 1 kali..cuman siang hari; nasi 2 sendok makan plus lauk2. Pagi hari aku cuman minum susu WRP. Malam hari nga makan, kecuali kalo laper banget..aku makan lauk aja, itupun cuman 1 sendok. Targetku 55 kilo.
Wish me luck!
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